I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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