sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
