im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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