Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
