I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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