I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
