You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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