The beer is more important than you right now.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
