Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
