Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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