you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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