i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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