my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
