Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
