I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
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