I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
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