well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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