u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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