I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
