please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
