well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
