The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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