i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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