We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
