I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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