Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
