So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
