Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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