Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
