first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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