Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
