I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Randomize
