My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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