New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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