If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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