im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Did you pee in the oven last night??
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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