ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You are a genius and a whore.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
