I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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