Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
