I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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