Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
