Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
