She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The power of my boobs compel you
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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