Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he thought i was a dude.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
