I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
