You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
