i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My bed smells like the plague
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
