There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
