remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
