i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
