I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i need some magic done to my vagina
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
