this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
