Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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