we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
