Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
